d_a_v_y

Carl Jung remind us, ” There is no coming to consciousness without pain. It is through the wounds that light can come in.”

Staying open to the honors to be gained from pain is difficult at the onset of a wound. When first thrown to the mat, you gently allow yourself to grieve. And later, if and when you are able to, would be willing to open to the soul growth inherent in the experience. Paradoxically, there will always be fragments to hold side by side with gratitude. Now I came to understand that embracing all aspects of crisis will help sanctify the pain.

Life may crack us open, and we heal in stronger in the broken places.

No birth certificate is issued when a friendship is born. There is just a feeling that your life is different and that your capacity to care has miraculously been enlarged. It is like having a tiny place and somebody moves in with you. But instead of being cramped and crowded, the space expands, and you discover rooms you never knew you had until your friend moved in with you.

REAL friends constantly remind us that we can always draw strength and courage from choosing to celebrate the ordinary pleasures in life. That while looking to tomorrow, we won’t forget all the todays slipping by. Most of all, with life’s uncertainties, we can always learn from the myriad other events that can alter the future in the blink of an eye.

Have you ever been broken into pieces, like a clay pot that rolled down to the ground, and, in moments of truth, experienced the presence of a helping hand bending over your disconnectedness, saying that you can still fit your scattered pieces back together? If so, then you are ready to see the speck in a friend’s eye, not as a cause for judgement, but to remember your own moments of grace.

As anyone setting out for a walk, it is quite difficult to empty your mind of worry and planning, analyzing and hurting. Your agitations seem to travel with you, and soon you conduct small theaters of the mind, in which you rehearse dreaded or hoped - for conversations.

But a mental vacation can take you far. Try to leave behind all the worries, hurts and misgivings. Then you can set off to enjoy the sensations of being alive: the beauty of light, the birdcalls, the wind and the sun on your face. Free yourself from the commotions of your mind, and allow yourself to be the photographic plate on which the world etches itself.

You are looking, but can you see?

Passing through and observing is the way we first learn about places and how we finally come to know them, to take them into ourselves as part of our territory, even as a part of our identity. It is how we come to belong.

Sometimes it takes a different light to show us what we have been looking at all along but not seeing. Once you see your surroundings in the light of your own unwavering affection, you can never see them any other way.

Through the frayed curtain at my window, a stream of light announces the break of day. My back hurts like hell. Every movement is a test of endurance. No need to wonder very long where I am, or to recall that chilling moment of realizing that I flew from the bus seat directly towards the windshield and thrown into a garden patch.

I had several days of shooting backpains with the reality that I can’t walk straight nor can go around that much anymore. To fight off every ounce of pain, I downed lots of analgesics and even went for IM or IV, just enough to bring relief for the moment.

My mind takes the flight of a dove. There is so much to do. I can wander off in space or in time, realize my childhood ambitions as well as my adult aspirations.

Stuck in a wheelchair and being the patient myself is a far different story. Being so helpless and attended to at the emergency room was unimaginable. When no one yet had given me an accurate picture of my situation, I clung to the certainty that I would quickly recover every movement and sensation, especially my left foot, so I can still go on chasing my dreams. I have to proceed with the still unfinished tasks I obliged myself to accomplish. I went on anyway, defying the odds. Analgesic abuse! I didn’t really care that much anymore. No wasting of the chance I got, though really risky, I still gave it a shot. Besides, I don’t want to be that someone who do things halfway. Though not in my favor this time…at least not yet, I know in my heart and in my mind that I exerted every bit of effort humanly possible to keep going.

Sometimes I have gentle awakenings. Irrational terror would sweep over me. Flashbacks of fear of all sort would leave me wide-eyed in the middle of the night up to the wee hours of the morning. When blessed silence returns, I can listen to the wingbeats of peace inside my head. Then I set off for the kingdom of slumber.

I had been, I am and will always be grateful for the support group I have - my family and friends. With my second life, thus was born a collective correspondence that keeps me in touch with the world. And I came to know that sometimes it takes a glare of disaster to show a man in his true light. Some of them are serious, discussing the meaning of life, invoking the supremacy of the soul, the mystery of every existence. Others relate to the small events punctuating the passage of time. These small slices of life, these small gusts of happiness move me more deeply. With all the friends I got, far and near, I hope that one day I could fasten them end to end to float in the wind like a banner to the glory of friendship.

The silver twilight gave way to the star - filled sky. The nights grow chilly. It has been 3 months since that fateful trip ( closely adding up to 4 months ) - the split second that gave my life its greatest twist.

I have indeed begun a new life, and that life is here and now. Time really flies so fast. And I’m glad to say I made some progress. Though my bad back hits me once in a while, I can manage to walk normally now. No more limping. As for the painkillers, just the prescribed therapeutic dose.

I am slowly getting back to my old self. I will be off, for now, with the music of my heart and my soul.